What Could Have Been
by Kelza
Summary: In a tender moment before a tragic end both L and Raito reveal the deep feelings they have for each other that had remained dormant for so long.


**Disclaimers: **I do not own Death Note or any of its characters.  
**Warnings:** Yaoi, Angst, Character Death

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Once they saw the message on the computer screen they knew it was over.

Raito froze; his mind and body were unable to comprehend what was happening around him. He could hear alarms go off and his vision went red, though he wasn't sure if everyone else was panicking or if the loud blaring was simply a figment of his imagination.

L's heart pounded as every single computer screen was wiped clean of absolutely everything. He knew Watari would resort to this in only one situation. Watari was dead. L could sense the walls of his sanity crashing down around him as he desperately called for Watari through the intercom. There was no answer. When he felt his own heart stutter he realized that this was his end as well.

Raito cried out when he saw L's spoon drop to the floor. The pale detective before him began to slowly slip sideways off of his chair, his life already being sucked from him. No, he did not want this to happen! Raito rushed forward, catching L before he hit the ground. He could sense Kira fighting for dominance, but he knew that Kira was not who defined him anymore. He was simply Raito Yagami and all he could make sense of at that moment was that he loved L and L was dying.

L kept waiting for the impact of the floor to drive the breath from his lungs, but it never came. He felt strong arms wrap themselves around him and he realized that Raito was holding him. He wished that Raito could have held him like this sooner. He wished that he hadn't been such a coward when it came to his own feelings toward Raito… He stared wide-eyed at the auburn-haired teen, the pain in his chest making it hard for him to think. So this was it. Kira had won and he was going to die. Such a shame… all that work gone to waste. At least he could look into Raito's panicked eyes and think that maybe… maybe Raito-kun really didn't want him to die either.

"L… L… Please, this can't happen…," Raito managed to whimper before his voice cracked with a sob. His clutched to L desperately, his hands beginning to shake.

L only had the strength to clutch feebly at Raito's shirtsleeve as each throb of his heart sent an even stronger wave of pain through him. It hurt so much… he just wanted to die already. He was having trouble keeping his eyes open, but he didn't want to lose sight of Raito's face.

"L! Please, just keep your eyes open!" Raito wailed. Tears began to stream down his face as he felt the tremor running through the dark-haired man in his arms and saw his eyelids flutter. He didn't care what Aizawa or Matsuda or his father thought anymore and he let his feelings pour forth. "Just keep your eyes open for me, L! Please do that for me… please don't leave me!"

L's already failing heart nearly broke at hearing Raito's anguished wail as Raito's tears fell on his face and he became numb from the chest down. Maybe… Raito _did_ truly care about him? He forced himself to speak even though it was but a whisper.

"Raito-kun…"

Raito almost screamed with joy when he heard L say his name in a barely audible whisper. Maybe L could live! Maybe it was just a normal heart attack and Rem hadn't written his name in the Death Note! He could have a chance to recover! These thoughts were banished from Raito's mind almost as quickly as they had come. No, he was the one who had given the orders and Rem loved Misa too much to let L get away with any drastic decisions. This realization brought fresh tears and more sobs.

"L…," Raito stuttered between sobs, realizing all hope was lost. "I love you… more than you… could ever know…"

L felt a sense of calm wash through him at these words. He never thought he would die happy, but Raito's words brought him a more immediate and incredible sense of completion than anything else he had ever experienced. He could feel the darkness begin to cast a veil over his eyes, but he couldn't die just yet; he needed to tell Raito, too.

"I… love… you…" L whispered, trying to utter the name he wanted Raito to hear as the younger man sobbed and wailed into his shirt.

Raito abruptly looked up, meeting L's glazed and dying gaze. He buried his hands in L's hair and, without any warning, kissed him full on the mouth with a gentle passion that he knew he would never be able to show anyone else. L returned the kiss with the little energy he could muster and he felt tears begin to trickle out of his own eyes as he realized what could have been. After only a few moments, not long enough for Raito and almost too long for L, Raito reluctantly broke the kiss, taking with him L's last breath. One final word escaped L's lips as his breath left his lungs. He had known all along whom Raito had become and he had loved him just the same.

"_Kira…_"


End file.
